Dyeing for Change

Yesterday was a cold dreary day in Nashville. It was raining all morning and it was the first really cold day in October. It was undeniable that winter weather was just around the corner. I don’t know if it was the realization that the fall had truly set in, winter was on its way, and everything was changing or what, but at about nine in the morning I decided I needed a change, which for me is changing my hair color. Hair dye is the only thing that I’ve ever really been addicted to. I started dabbling in coloring my hair when I was sixteen with temporary dye and then by the time I was in my early twenties I had moved on to the hardcore permanent dyes. I was always warned that once I switched over to the hardcore I could never go back; my hair would never be the same unless I cut it all off and started over. Apparently since I always pick a variation of a red shade I don’t have this to worry about, since red dyes, even permanent versions, always fade. This is the only thing that always frustrates me about coloring my hair is how quickly it fades. I naturally have strawberry blonde, which my mother says she has absolutely no understanding of why anyone with my natural hair color would change it. I guess we always have that one thing we wish was different and for me it is to have fiery red hair with no blonde in it. I’ve really tried to become greener this year and let my inner child natural tree hugger come out, and with this change I felt I should appreciate my natural attributes and quit trying to change them. Well, that phase of my life is over; or at least the no coloring part of it. I had held off dyeing my hair for at least a year until the urge to color was so strong yesterday I could deny myself no longer. I like dark auburn hair and I want dark auburn hair. When I went to buy my favorite head turning shade the salesclerk said that I was about the twentieth woman to purchase hair dye that morning and she wondered why everyone had decided to change their hair color that day. I then began to suspect maybe I had been a victim of a subliminal marketing campaign by L’Oreal. I’ve seen exposes on how companies can quickly flash an image of their product into whatever show you are watching and it will stay stuck in your subconscious. Whatever made me decide I had to have a change right then I agreed it was what I needed, and after a year of depriving myself of my long term addiction I finally gave in. Nothing quite matches the smell of those noxious, odorous hair dye chemicals taking over my bathroom, watching the dye turn to a dark purple foam on my head, and anxiously waiting to see the result even though I pick the same shade every time. No waiting for the mandatory skin allergy test listed in the instructions for me, true addicts don’t bother with them anyway. The rush of endorphins that hit me when it is all rinsed out and I see my new shade is like Prozac in a box. I can't believe I held out for as long as I did without coloring. I tried but I can't give it up. Now I have my lustrous fall auburn shade back, complete with chemically burned eyebrows that will take about a week to fade. I gave up cigarettes after twelve years, it’s been over a year since I’ve smoked now, but I can’t give up my 7R Red Penny. At least I'll be a pro at it by the time my grays start creeping in.

My one and only religious blog ever.

I know that it may come as a great shock to those of you who read my blogs that I don’t go to church. I’m not against religion itself, I consider myself to be a very spiritual person in fact. I’m kind of like a Buddhist with Catholic tendencies. I do not agree with organized religion. Those who go to church regularly and love it good for them, it’s just not for me. I don’t like going to a building and being told what I’m going to hell for. I can read the Bible myself and determine that, I don’t need someone else to tell me. My apathy towards church began when I was a child. A neighborhood kid told me I would burn in hell if I didn’t start going to church with her so I started going. When I did go I didn’t have to hear her tell me about my future damnation, I got to instead hear it from my Sunday school teacher, who told me that it was good that I was going to church but my mother was going to burn since she wasn’t there and that I needed to hurry up and get her converted and get myself saved or else if I was killed tomorrow I would burn. It finally dawned on me I didn’t need that kind of negative energy in my life so I quit going. I guess this was the beginning of my transformation into a sinner. Apparently being a good person isn’t enough, you have to have your ass firmly planted on a church pew every Sunday as well. I’ve tried a few more churches since then but I just didn’t get into it. The visits either consisted of someone trying to pair me up with a fellow divorced church man or stares of disappointment because I had missed a couple of Sundays here and there so I wasn’t consistent in my fellowship. All the while the most adamant person staring and judging the hardest is the once committing adultery or some other sin. Sunday mornings at the house of hypocrisy aren’t really my cup of tea. Yesterday I ran into someone that used to attend a church that I went to. She is really into the church. People who are overly religious bible thumpers usually don’t bother me unless they try to “save” my wretched soul and take it upon themselves to make me their latest salvation project. This woman bothers me. She said the usual hi how are you and what have you been up to and then she hit me with we miss you at church. Okay well it’s been about ten years since I’ve been there but whatever. Then she asks me where I attend church now. When I replied no where she looked at me very sternly. She informed me that I really need to start attending church somewhere, preferably her church, because Jesus wouldn’t approve of me not going. Okay number one; unless you are a reincarnation of one of the apostles that actually walked with Jesus back in the day don’t tell me what he wants, because you don’t know. Number two, the bible states not to judge lest ye be judged so isn’t she herself committing a sin by judging me? I shrugged and just said I don’t have the time. She then started in on some sermon and reiterated the fact I really need to go. I then responded to her that I would love to but I don’t think the other members of my coven would approve. That shut her up. I probably should have been sweeter about it and found something else to say to end the conversation but I was tired. And after all, apparently I’m just a sinner anyway so I guess I should protect my title.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

John McCain’s crew has set up automated robot calls to many people to help sway those who are still undecided. In these calls (which I heard a recording of this morning) it is clearly stated that Barack Obama associates with terrorists because of his association with Bill Ayers. For those of you who don’t know Mr. Ayers is currently an American education theorist but he is more well know for his anti-war activism in the 1960’s. Who wasn’t against the war back then anyway? Now understandably he did some radical things with explosives back then but at the time he was all riled up blowing up things Barack Obama was only 8 YEARS OLD! They later became reacquainted as adults and worked on education reform in Illinois, many years after Mr. Ayers had put his extreme radical acts behind him. The phone calls being made make it sound as though Barack was wiring the bombs for him. He was 8 at that time! I was friends with a boy at my school when I was 9 years old who later in his adult life robbed several banks. Does this mean I fraternize with bank robbers? The most hypocritical thing about this is the fact that John McCain threw a fit back in 2004 when similar calls were made against him bringing up his wife’s drug addiction. He can dish it out but can’t take it. He wants to cover up the mess in his own backyard but diligently tries to prove his opponent will create a mess with flat out lies. He is a typical Republican after all but this is just outrageous behavior even for them. He has launched one of the ugliest smear campaigns that I have ever seen or heard of, and it’s just scary to think what will happen if the Crypt Keeper and the Caribou Barbie actually make it to the White House.

The Countdown

Just 20 days left until America decides. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

To be, or not to be.

One of things that has changed about me is the amount of apathy I have toward other people. It’s increasing steadily, and has been for several months now. I just don’t care. I consider myself to be a very altruistic person; if someone needs help I will do everything in my power to help them. I donate money and time to charities. When my kids are grown I plan to start traveling with groups that help the medically needy in impoverished areas. I give money to homeless people. From these aspects I don’t think that I’m apathetic at all. It’s just everyday things that I don’t care for. It just all seems so trivial to me. I don’t want to hear about relationship problems or weight problems. I mean if you aren’t happy with whom you’re with leave them, if you’re fat put down the damn Twinkies. When I put on a little weight I either reduce my caloric intake or buy bigger pants. I don’t whine about the size of my ever expanding ass to other people. What are they going to do? Offer to pay for lipo? I don’t enjoy looking at pictures of other people’s children and don’t see why I should be required to feign interest when looking at them. This fact results in being called by the lovely term of endearment that rhymes with witch, but I’m just being honest. I like to look at pictures of my children because they are my children, and it honestly wouldn’t bother me if someone didn’t want to see their picture. I wouldn’t think of them as an asshole if they didn’t. I’m not any good at hiding the way I honestly feel. No matter how much I’m smiling and pretending to care my eyes are a dead giveaway that I truly don’t. They do say the eyes are the windows to the soul after all. It never stops either. Even when I say I’m not interested in hearing about something I still have to hear it, even after the person says they don’t even know why they bother talking to me. I don’t know why they bother either. It never ceases to amaze me. I guess they think that all of a sudden I’m going to care. If I didn’t give a shit the day before chances are good I’m not going to give a shit today. I don’t know why I’m devoid of my everyday conversation/people skills that I’m supposed to have but I am and I don’t try to deny this fact. To deny who you are to appease someone is essentially lying to that person. I guess I can either be a liar or a bitch. I’m apparently hardwired to be honest to a fault, so I guess I’ll have to go with the latter.

Sins of the past cast long shadows on the future....

The past needs to stay in the past. People don't need reminders from others of what happened way back when. Constantly bringing up past mistakes gets us nowhere. People who desire to change do change, and they shouldn’t be dragged down by the ghosts of the past. A person has no problem remembering regrets on their own without having to be reminded by someone else. Nothing is more frustrating than doing something right and having someone say that you used to do it wrong. What we do from today on matters, yesterday is long gone and those that don't want to live in the present need to be left in the past.

Urban Cowboy

Dear Mighty Urban Cowboy,
How can I resist your charm? You must be a really neat person because for all that heavy work you must do there is no dust on those Redwings you wear. I know you said that callous on your hand was from fencing, but your Playstation controller looks pretty worn to me….
Running out of gas while patrolling the subdivision in your oversized dooly truck?
Hey you might get better gas mileage if you dropped that heavy belt buckle.
I guess you are kind of green though, you do recycle. You make sure you save all your Mountain Dew bottles to spit your chew into. And as if all these things weren’t proof enough of your masculinity my redneck friend, you have strategically placed pair of testicles hanging from your truck to erase any doubts I might have. How can a woman resist?

How what didn't happen yesterday will affect you.

In case you’ve missed every news program out there the bailout plan was rejected yesterday. The House can barely find their own a**hole with a mirror, much less make a major decision that could save the economy. In an effort to save billions they have now caused us to lose trillions. 401K savings dropped like rain yesterday as the stock market dropped more than it ever has. It will affect every single person out there, not just those trying to get a mortgage or auto loan. When banks say they are going to have to stop giving credit, they mean ALL credit. It’s not just those in the market for a house or some big ticket item that will be in trouble. Here’s an example: You have a credit card with a $6000 credit limit. You currently have a balance of $1000 on it. That means you have $5000 available credit. This is the credit the bank will take. Whatever you still have available on the card the bank will take, reducing your credit limit to save themselves from the liability. Then your debt to credit ratio will change, causing your credit score to lower, and things with a price rate based on your credit rating will go up, such as car insurance. Everyone is going to be screwed if there isn’t some type of resolution put into place, it may already be too late. Hopefully today we will have an answer. Oh wait a minute, that’s right, the House won’t resume negotiations until Wednesday, because today is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year and they must observe this. Wow, is this a Federal holiday that I didn’t know about? Hmmm, it didn’t seem like all of the government agencies and banks were closed today. That’s okay; we can sway in the wind one more day, waiting to see the outcome. We’ve been doing it for eight years now, what’s one more day? Mazal Tov!

The way I see it......

I love Starbucks. Love probably isn’t a strong enough word to describe my feelings for this place. This place is like a vital part of my daily schedule. I’ve tried other coffee drinks at other coffee shops, and nothing ever matches their drinks. One thing that makes me feel better about my purchase of overpriced coffee on a regular basis is the fact that they make me feel more “green” about myself. I tell myself that since they go to great lengths to get approval to use drink cups out of recycled material then they really care and Al Gore would be happy with my choice of a coffee shop that tries to go green. I just have one concern with this place, that every barista that makes my drink uses two cups for one beverage, even when the outer protective cuff is on the cup as well. This practice happens at every Starbucks I go to. If you are going to go to great lengths to do your part for our environment and make your cups out of 10% post consumer recycled content doesn’t it kind of defeat the purpose when you use two cups for each drink?

Tales from the crypt of what used to be our thriving economy.

I should have focused on a financial career. I could have became the head of a bank or mortgage lender, gave loans to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that applied for one, collected my bonuses, and then when they couldn’t pay any more cut my losses and go and let someone else clean up the mess. This is basically what every major mortgage lender has done which has led to the downward spiral that our economy is on. It is very perplexing to me, as well as many other people who just can’t get their head around this. I think aside from being confusing it is hard to comprehend that this could have happened in the US, but it has and it can’t be mended with a band aid. This is my extremely simple explanation of the major contributing factor that has brought us to this point. This is the way I understand it from all of the political magazines and money reports that I read.
Okay first you have Suzie and Johnny. They have just gotten married and are ready to take the next big step, which is home ownership. They go to the bank and apply for a loan. Now the lender takes into consideration both of their incomes to come up with a higher mortgage and allow them to get a higher priced home. Back in the good old days when it was actually harder to get a mortgage loan they considered one income, which made sense because if one lost their job then the other one could always pick up the tab. Or you had a lot of collateral to offer and if you ended up not paying the bank could seize your assets and it wouldn’t be a total loss to them. This might result in a lower price range but this was the smartest move for the consumer. However lenders got greedy and as their commissions went up the requirements for obtaining a loan went down. So Suzie and Johnny buy a house with a mortgage figured on both of their incomes. Everything is going smoothly for a while. Credit card offers come quickly, along with even more lines of credit since they have a loan in the first place. Being of sound financial mind they only get one credit card for emergencies. As the months go by their credit limits build since they always make timely payments and everything’s all happy. They get a furniture set on sale and finance this since they have been managing so well and they figure they’ve got it covered. Then Johnny’s company lays him off because they are moving to Mexico. Why stay in the US and pay Americans what their worth when you can go across the border and pay Pedro 25 cents to do the exact same job? Big business has gotten greedy yet again. So Johnny draws unemployment for awhile until this fizzles out. He can’t find another job because the job market sucks right now. What jobs are available are being filled quickly and those are few and far between because Johnny’s company wasn’t the only one that left the country. Suzie’s doing all she can to cover that fancy mortgage payment with her income, but since it was figured on both of their incomes she can’t reasonably pay it. They pay everything they can with the credit card until it’s maxed out, eventually they max out all of their resources and they are drowning in debt. The cause of all their problems was started by this massive mortgage payment so they do what they have to, which is just mail the keys in and walk away. Now since they had no collateral in the first place they have nothing else to offer the bank so they are left holding the bill.
The second example is Pete. He passes by a house one day and decides he wants to buy it. He goes to the bank and says I want to buy that house. He has no collateral, no down payment, and has been working steadily at the same job for a whopping six months. Mr. Lender tells Pete to sign on the dotted line because he meets the current requirements for obtaining a mortgage loan, which is a pulse. He takes the keys to his house, fills his new home with items purchased on all of his newly available credit lines and cards. He makes the minimum payments while it suits him to do so, but then he decides he’s tired of the obligation and quits making the payments on all of his bills and eventually his mortgage. He walks away from his home leaving the bank with another loss.
These are two really simple examples but it is the basic synopsis of events that have led to where we are at today. Basically a lot of people have done what Suzie, Johnny, and Pete have done and this led to a mortgage meltdown as banks keep accumulating more and more losses. Then they go bankrupt or get a bailout and leave someone else to clean up the mess. This has led to the miserable economy that we are in today and has also made us the laughing stock around the world for looking like idiots. Everyone got greedy and now it’s time to pay the piper.

My Haiku

Haikus,
stand
them
I
can
not.

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Memory of My Mums

My favorite thing about September has got to be mums. They are so beautiful. I always go to painstaking lengths to make sure that I have a variety of them planted to compliment my landscaping throughout the remainder of the season. I’ve not had a lot of time to work on my flowers at all this year but I made sure to carve out time to give plenty of time to plant some mums. After several hours of pulling weeds and rearranging I had an assortment of them and a variety of flowers that I was very proud of. All of this work was smashed into a clump a few days later in a lot less time than it took to make them so beautiful. The day started out well enough. I sat out on my porch drinking my morning coffee, feeling the breeze, and admiring my flowers. How pretty they were. I then decided I saw a weed that had to be pulled right then, that minute. It couldn’t wait. So I proceeded to get up and started to walk off the porch. I was wearing five inch wedge shoes that are not practical at all, which I can’t let go of in a desperate attempt at holding on to my youth. I always have to concentrate on my walking in them. Well I apparently forgot this fact and took off of the porch rather abruptly. My foot then snapped under me at a sharp ninety degree angle and I fell off the steps that lead off of my porch and landed in my nice pretty flowers. It probably wouldn’t have been so bad had I not tried to jump up quickly out of embarrassment so that none of my neighbors who happened to be out in their yards would notice me. When I did jump up so soon I immediately fell back into the same patch of flowers just as quickly because my foot which had just been forced into a position no foot should be in went completely out when I put pressure on it. This gave my beautiful flowers yet another crushing blow, destroying what had been missed in the previous fall several seconds prior. I’m trying to salvage what I can of them but I think it’s a lost cause. My shoes however survived the trauma. They managed to avoid damage by landing in the cushioning of my mums I guess. I don’t even know why I was worried about making my neighbors laugh. They laughed hard enough a week prior when I was taking the luggage rack off of my Jeep. I decided to take it off to get what tiny percentage more I could manage to get out of my gas mileage. When I finally got all of the screws and brackets off I jerked with just a tad too much force and lost my footing, fell off of the kitchen chair I was standing on along with the luggage rack which promptly popped me in the face as soon as we landed. At least I can say I wasn’t standing on the chair in five inch wedges.

Apocalypse

I watched an interesting History channel documentary that stated that the anticipated date for the end of the world will occur on December 21, 2012. I then googled this and found many sites devoted to this apparent fact that I did not know even existed. I also found an equal number of sites that talked about the stupidity of those believing this fact. I’m beginning to think it might be true given the pathetic state of our economy and everything seems to be going to hell in a hand basket lately everywhere. Driving home Friday night I passed by tons of gas stations, all out of gas, and the one that finally did have gas had hundreds of cars in line to get what was left. Food prices have gone up and everyone is having to scrimp and save, spending less and thus shoving the economy down this seemingly never ending cycle. 401K’s are dropping value about every ten minutes. I got all exited after checking my retirement report and I’d only lost 37cents. Then it dawned on my dumbass I’ve only been enrolled for about a month in it. (I’ve been slow to reach financial maturity and start planning and saving) I also found an Einstein quote that stated once the bees were gone man would follow in four years. Well, 2012 would be four years from now, and the bees are disappearing around the world, everywhere except Israel. Hmmmm…….It’s really made me think. What if everything is going to end in 2012? I found that the only place geologically in the US that might survive whatever happens would be Berea, KY, for reasons I can’t understand. It’s probably just some ad campaign the Berea Tourist Board and real estate agencies created for obvious reasons. I don’t know. I’d like to be able to say that all of this reflection about our possible impending demise has made me be a better person. I’d like to be able to say this but unfortunately that would be a lie. I’m still the same sarcastic, hateful person I always was. I may rent an RV and spend the 21st of December 2012 in Berea. Then I can return to work on December 23rd to hysterical laughs while people speculate on what an idiot I am.

Thoughts

I hate people who try to tell me how to think. I’m the type of person that I have very deep personal beliefs about everything from politics to abortion but I have no problem with other people’s opinions, even encourage them discuss them to keep up a lively conversation. Why do people always want to convert you to their beliefs? It’s like the only correct way to think is their way. I can’t stand that. For anyone who wants to know and gives a shit I’ve included a list of things that I believe personally, and no, if you feel differently I don’t care and I won’t be changing my opinion. I respect your opinion though, and am not going to argue with you or try to convert you to my way of thinking. This is fucking America after all.
1. I am a Democrat. A very liberal Democrat. 100%. This is not going to change.
2. I am pro-choice. There are too many women that shouldn’t be having children that are anyway.
3. I hate wine, I never will acquire a taste for it and do not desire to.
4. I will never be married again. NEVER. I don’t care who you know that would be “perfect” for me.
5. I don’t base people on the amount of education they have had, I base it on how well they can keep up a conversation. I’ve met many intelligent people with no degree, and many stupid ones that have one.
6. And to reiterate, I am a Democrat. A very liberal Democrat. 100%. This is not going to change. No matter how cute Mrs. Palin’s glasses are.

One thing that absolutely amazes me is the amount of emptiness that consumes the brains of so many people I encounter everyday. Women with only thoughts and conversations pertaining to fashion, celebrities, and calories. Men with only thoughts and conversations pertaining to redwings, flavors of chewing tobacco, and what season you can kill a certain animal. How can so many be devoid of any type of cultural influence to at least hold up a half way decent conversation? Even pop culture trivia? I am absolutely perplexed by this. No matter how many times I discover people like this it never ceases to amaze me. It does not matter the level of education. I’ve met some extremely stupid people that were very well educated. I met a woman the other day who I thought would have many interesting stories to tell as she was very well educated and had traveled the world. We talked about shoes. For an entire hour we talked about shoes. I tried to change the subject. Weather’s a safe one, mentioned how we needed the rain which led to the topic of global warming. She then stated “That’s like where it snows a lot, right?” So then I felt perhaps it was better to discuss something current in the news so as she might better understand and to avoid the shoes again so I brought up the fires in CA. She then stated “There’s a fire in CA?” I then stared at her, trying not to give my condescending gaze that I’m so good at bestowing upon people and reverted back to a safe topic for her, that being shoes.
The lack of depth was actually uncomfortable for me. Like, how can nothing be everything you talk about?