Tuesday, October 21, 2008

My one and only religious blog ever.

I know that it may come as a great shock to those of you who read my blogs that I don’t go to church. I’m not against religion itself, I consider myself to be a very spiritual person in fact. I’m kind of like a Buddhist with Catholic tendencies. I do not agree with organized religion. Those who go to church regularly and love it good for them, it’s just not for me. I don’t like going to a building and being told what I’m going to hell for. I can read the Bible myself and determine that, I don’t need someone else to tell me. My apathy towards church began when I was a child. A neighborhood kid told me I would burn in hell if I didn’t start going to church with her so I started going. When I did go I didn’t have to hear her tell me about my future damnation, I got to instead hear it from my Sunday school teacher, who told me that it was good that I was going to church but my mother was going to burn since she wasn’t there and that I needed to hurry up and get her converted and get myself saved or else if I was killed tomorrow I would burn. It finally dawned on me I didn’t need that kind of negative energy in my life so I quit going. I guess this was the beginning of my transformation into a sinner. Apparently being a good person isn’t enough, you have to have your ass firmly planted on a church pew every Sunday as well. I’ve tried a few more churches since then but I just didn’t get into it. The visits either consisted of someone trying to pair me up with a fellow divorced church man or stares of disappointment because I had missed a couple of Sundays here and there so I wasn’t consistent in my fellowship. All the while the most adamant person staring and judging the hardest is the once committing adultery or some other sin. Sunday mornings at the house of hypocrisy aren’t really my cup of tea. Yesterday I ran into someone that used to attend a church that I went to. She is really into the church. People who are overly religious bible thumpers usually don’t bother me unless they try to “save” my wretched soul and take it upon themselves to make me their latest salvation project. This woman bothers me. She said the usual hi how are you and what have you been up to and then she hit me with we miss you at church. Okay well it’s been about ten years since I’ve been there but whatever. Then she asks me where I attend church now. When I replied no where she looked at me very sternly. She informed me that I really need to start attending church somewhere, preferably her church, because Jesus wouldn’t approve of me not going. Okay number one; unless you are a reincarnation of one of the apostles that actually walked with Jesus back in the day don’t tell me what he wants, because you don’t know. Number two, the bible states not to judge lest ye be judged so isn’t she herself committing a sin by judging me? I shrugged and just said I don’t have the time. She then started in on some sermon and reiterated the fact I really need to go. I then responded to her that I would love to but I don’t think the other members of my coven would approve. That shut her up. I probably should have been sweeter about it and found something else to say to end the conversation but I was tired. And after all, apparently I’m just a sinner anyway so I guess I should protect my title.

6 comments:

Talullah said...

I love that all the adds to the right are ads for different churches. It must be a sign that You're going to hell if you don't go to church. Even Google is in on it!

Adlibby said...

Go Tess! I could have written this one right down to the snide comment at the end! It seems that the religious people I've come across are so much more worried about my sins than they are their own. If only they were worried about something helpful like my backlog of laundry... I'd invite them in. Have you seen or will you go see Religulous? I love Bill Maher. I can't wait.

Pearl said...

The other members of your coven...

I would give quite a lot to have access to a picture of the look on her face. :-)

Pearl

Braja said...

Reminded me of this quote I read only a few days ago: "Sorry I missed church. I've been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian." If I were you, I'd jump in with that THE MOMENT you see a former friend from church: kinda like slappin' them in the face with the proverbial fish. You could even add that at the end: "In case you were wondering, I just slapped you with the proverbial fish. Get a loaf. I mean a life." If they're not confused by now, they're never gonna be....
And get a bumper sticker: "I found Jesus: he was behind the door the whole time." Then they won't speak to you, they'll just hold up the cross sign with their two index fingers to ward off the devil in you.
Works for me.
Peace, love, and brown rice,
Braja
http://lostandfoundinindia.blogspot.com

Braja said...

Reminded me of this quote I read only a few days ago: "Sorry I missed church. I've been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian." If I were you, I'd jump in with that THE MOMENT you see a former friend from church: kinda like slappin' them in the face with the proverbial fish. You could even add that at the end: "In case you were wondering, I just slapped you with the proverbial fish. Get a loaf. I mean a life." If they're not confused by now, they're never gonna be....
And get a bumper sticker: "I found Jesus: he was behind the door the whole time."
love
Braja
http://lostandfoundinindia.blogspot.com

Braja said...

BTW, I'm wondering if whether or not the fact that I wrote the word "lesbian" in my comment caused the word verification to come up with this of its own accord:

dykefan

Someone's watching, and I'm not entirely sure who it is, but I like their sense of humor....