Going through the motions.....

Often how you represent yourself is what you want others to see, without too many glimpses into what is really going on and how you feel because you must maintain the acts of the play you've gotten so used to participating in. Life often becomes a repetitious play of sorts, where you play the character you've been cast as perfectly and as expected but that isn't really who you are. Inside you are miserable and suffocating but you selflessly maintain character so as not to disrupt the balance of the other characters. But then if you decide to start living your life for yourself, to where you can truly attain happiness, often the environment you've been pretending in becomes hostile, and produces a hell quite worse than what it was just pretending to be someone you aren't. Sometimes it appeases you to fantasize about something or someone far removed from the situation. It's like a breath of fresh air, and a dream that you can have to escape to, known only to yourself and no one else. It takes your mind off things and for a time and you can breath instead of going through the suffocating constraints of pretending. However eventually the fantasy fades and reality comes flooding back in. The question that must be answered internally is which is easier, maintaining the façade and keeping all the other characters happy or pursuing your own happiness no matter what destruction that decision will cause.