Monday, December 15, 2008

A new pet grave just in time for Christmas.

Mother announced that she will be having my arch enemy, the living dead Chihuahua put to sleep. After years of having to carry him under her arms everywhere I was surprised she made this decision. It’s kind of like why bother now? He’s been deaf and blind for years now. I told her we should just send him to be freeze dried and she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Basically the only thing that makes him appear to be living now is his raspy asthmatic breathing. We could get one of those little sound chips that they have at Build A Bear to stuff in the teddy bears to make them sound like they are breathing for him and have them install it during the freeze dry preservation process. After berating me for how awful I was for suggesting these things she said that she wasn’t sure what she would do. I suggested letting the vet dispose of him after putting him to sleep. She said that she could do that, she never had before and wondered what they do with the animals, if they buried them or just threw them away. At this point I should have kept my mouth shut, however being the know it all that I am I told her that vets sell the dead carcasses to pet food companies for rendering into pet food. She argued that I was joking, I countered with documentation to prove my point. So since she can’t stand the thought of freeze drying him or having him become a meal he must be buried on her farm. Ultimately I screwed myself by opening my big mouth since she will be so upset about his death that the actual burial process will fall on me. Basically I’ll be trying to dig a grave into frozen, hard as a rock soil, in the middle of the freaking winter for the little fucker. And this will put me on schedule to be sick at Christmas and having another bad holiday. He probably planned it this way.

6 comments:

inflammatory writ said...

I had no idea dead pets were rendered into pet food. That is some Soylent Green shit right there. I just threw up a little.

Tenacious Tess said...

I was shocked to find out myself. In fact in most cats or dogs if they have their blood drawn show trace amounts of the chemicals used to euthanize animals in their system because of the euthanized animals that they eat in their pet food. There I go being a know it all again. Of course, pet food made in China has poison and dead animals, so at least we only have the one bad ingredient in the US.

Braja said...

Well that was a fun time :)))

I love these conversations you have with your mother, but yeah, I woulda been holding back until the little bugger was in the ground...phone her back and tell her they cremate pets at *one* vets you know. Line it up with the vet first. Bingo. Sickness free holiday.

Of course, it's a conspiracy your mother has against you: you do know that, don't you?

Tenacious Tess said...

I'm leaning towards that opinion myself.......

Blue in Green said...

Talk about fading into a frozen grave, I had no idea pet food made in China has poison and dead animals?

jb said...

This is the funniest thing, I have read in a while . I thought my mother was nuts, but I think yours is nuttier then mine(I think). Wow... this is funny and yeah cat food in china has poison in it, it's China why would they follow any guide lines for animals.