Dyeing for Change

Yesterday was a cold dreary day in Nashville. It was raining all morning and it was the first really cold day in October. It was undeniable that winter weather was just around the corner. I don’t know if it was the realization that the fall had truly set in, winter was on its way, and everything was changing or what, but at about nine in the morning I decided I needed a change, which for me is changing my hair color. Hair dye is the only thing that I’ve ever really been addicted to. I started dabbling in coloring my hair when I was sixteen with temporary dye and then by the time I was in my early twenties I had moved on to the hardcore permanent dyes. I was always warned that once I switched over to the hardcore I could never go back; my hair would never be the same unless I cut it all off and started over. Apparently since I always pick a variation of a red shade I don’t have this to worry about, since red dyes, even permanent versions, always fade. This is the only thing that always frustrates me about coloring my hair is how quickly it fades. I naturally have strawberry blonde, which my mother says she has absolutely no understanding of why anyone with my natural hair color would change it. I guess we always have that one thing we wish was different and for me it is to have fiery red hair with no blonde in it. I’ve really tried to become greener this year and let my inner child natural tree hugger come out, and with this change I felt I should appreciate my natural attributes and quit trying to change them. Well, that phase of my life is over; or at least the no coloring part of it. I had held off dyeing my hair for at least a year until the urge to color was so strong yesterday I could deny myself no longer. I like dark auburn hair and I want dark auburn hair. When I went to buy my favorite head turning shade the salesclerk said that I was about the twentieth woman to purchase hair dye that morning and she wondered why everyone had decided to change their hair color that day. I then began to suspect maybe I had been a victim of a subliminal marketing campaign by L’Oreal. I’ve seen exposes on how companies can quickly flash an image of their product into whatever show you are watching and it will stay stuck in your subconscious. Whatever made me decide I had to have a change right then I agreed it was what I needed, and after a year of depriving myself of my long term addiction I finally gave in. Nothing quite matches the smell of those noxious, odorous hair dye chemicals taking over my bathroom, watching the dye turn to a dark purple foam on my head, and anxiously waiting to see the result even though I pick the same shade every time. No waiting for the mandatory skin allergy test listed in the instructions for me, true addicts don’t bother with them anyway. The rush of endorphins that hit me when it is all rinsed out and I see my new shade is like Prozac in a box. I can't believe I held out for as long as I did without coloring. I tried but I can't give it up. Now I have my lustrous fall auburn shade back, complete with chemically burned eyebrows that will take about a week to fade. I gave up cigarettes after twelve years, it’s been over a year since I’ve smoked now, but I can’t give up my 7R Red Penny. At least I'll be a pro at it by the time my grays start creeping in.

My one and only religious blog ever.

I know that it may come as a great shock to those of you who read my blogs that I don’t go to church. I’m not against religion itself, I consider myself to be a very spiritual person in fact. I’m kind of like a Buddhist with Catholic tendencies. I do not agree with organized religion. Those who go to church regularly and love it good for them, it’s just not for me. I don’t like going to a building and being told what I’m going to hell for. I can read the Bible myself and determine that, I don’t need someone else to tell me. My apathy towards church began when I was a child. A neighborhood kid told me I would burn in hell if I didn’t start going to church with her so I started going. When I did go I didn’t have to hear her tell me about my future damnation, I got to instead hear it from my Sunday school teacher, who told me that it was good that I was going to church but my mother was going to burn since she wasn’t there and that I needed to hurry up and get her converted and get myself saved or else if I was killed tomorrow I would burn. It finally dawned on me I didn’t need that kind of negative energy in my life so I quit going. I guess this was the beginning of my transformation into a sinner. Apparently being a good person isn’t enough, you have to have your ass firmly planted on a church pew every Sunday as well. I’ve tried a few more churches since then but I just didn’t get into it. The visits either consisted of someone trying to pair me up with a fellow divorced church man or stares of disappointment because I had missed a couple of Sundays here and there so I wasn’t consistent in my fellowship. All the while the most adamant person staring and judging the hardest is the once committing adultery or some other sin. Sunday mornings at the house of hypocrisy aren’t really my cup of tea. Yesterday I ran into someone that used to attend a church that I went to. She is really into the church. People who are overly religious bible thumpers usually don’t bother me unless they try to “save” my wretched soul and take it upon themselves to make me their latest salvation project. This woman bothers me. She said the usual hi how are you and what have you been up to and then she hit me with we miss you at church. Okay well it’s been about ten years since I’ve been there but whatever. Then she asks me where I attend church now. When I replied no where she looked at me very sternly. She informed me that I really need to start attending church somewhere, preferably her church, because Jesus wouldn’t approve of me not going. Okay number one; unless you are a reincarnation of one of the apostles that actually walked with Jesus back in the day don’t tell me what he wants, because you don’t know. Number two, the bible states not to judge lest ye be judged so isn’t she herself committing a sin by judging me? I shrugged and just said I don’t have the time. She then started in on some sermon and reiterated the fact I really need to go. I then responded to her that I would love to but I don’t think the other members of my coven would approve. That shut her up. I probably should have been sweeter about it and found something else to say to end the conversation but I was tired. And after all, apparently I’m just a sinner anyway so I guess I should protect my title.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

John McCain’s crew has set up automated robot calls to many people to help sway those who are still undecided. In these calls (which I heard a recording of this morning) it is clearly stated that Barack Obama associates with terrorists because of his association with Bill Ayers. For those of you who don’t know Mr. Ayers is currently an American education theorist but he is more well know for his anti-war activism in the 1960’s. Who wasn’t against the war back then anyway? Now understandably he did some radical things with explosives back then but at the time he was all riled up blowing up things Barack Obama was only 8 YEARS OLD! They later became reacquainted as adults and worked on education reform in Illinois, many years after Mr. Ayers had put his extreme radical acts behind him. The phone calls being made make it sound as though Barack was wiring the bombs for him. He was 8 at that time! I was friends with a boy at my school when I was 9 years old who later in his adult life robbed several banks. Does this mean I fraternize with bank robbers? The most hypocritical thing about this is the fact that John McCain threw a fit back in 2004 when similar calls were made against him bringing up his wife’s drug addiction. He can dish it out but can’t take it. He wants to cover up the mess in his own backyard but diligently tries to prove his opponent will create a mess with flat out lies. He is a typical Republican after all but this is just outrageous behavior even for them. He has launched one of the ugliest smear campaigns that I have ever seen or heard of, and it’s just scary to think what will happen if the Crypt Keeper and the Caribou Barbie actually make it to the White House.

The Countdown

Just 20 days left until America decides. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

To be, or not to be.

One of things that has changed about me is the amount of apathy I have toward other people. It’s increasing steadily, and has been for several months now. I just don’t care. I consider myself to be a very altruistic person; if someone needs help I will do everything in my power to help them. I donate money and time to charities. When my kids are grown I plan to start traveling with groups that help the medically needy in impoverished areas. I give money to homeless people. From these aspects I don’t think that I’m apathetic at all. It’s just everyday things that I don’t care for. It just all seems so trivial to me. I don’t want to hear about relationship problems or weight problems. I mean if you aren’t happy with whom you’re with leave them, if you’re fat put down the damn Twinkies. When I put on a little weight I either reduce my caloric intake or buy bigger pants. I don’t whine about the size of my ever expanding ass to other people. What are they going to do? Offer to pay for lipo? I don’t enjoy looking at pictures of other people’s children and don’t see why I should be required to feign interest when looking at them. This fact results in being called by the lovely term of endearment that rhymes with witch, but I’m just being honest. I like to look at pictures of my children because they are my children, and it honestly wouldn’t bother me if someone didn’t want to see their picture. I wouldn’t think of them as an asshole if they didn’t. I’m not any good at hiding the way I honestly feel. No matter how much I’m smiling and pretending to care my eyes are a dead giveaway that I truly don’t. They do say the eyes are the windows to the soul after all. It never stops either. Even when I say I’m not interested in hearing about something I still have to hear it, even after the person says they don’t even know why they bother talking to me. I don’t know why they bother either. It never ceases to amaze me. I guess they think that all of a sudden I’m going to care. If I didn’t give a shit the day before chances are good I’m not going to give a shit today. I don’t know why I’m devoid of my everyday conversation/people skills that I’m supposed to have but I am and I don’t try to deny this fact. To deny who you are to appease someone is essentially lying to that person. I guess I can either be a liar or a bitch. I’m apparently hardwired to be honest to a fault, so I guess I’ll have to go with the latter.

Sins of the past cast long shadows on the future....

The past needs to stay in the past. People don't need reminders from others of what happened way back when. Constantly bringing up past mistakes gets us nowhere. People who desire to change do change, and they shouldn’t be dragged down by the ghosts of the past. A person has no problem remembering regrets on their own without having to be reminded by someone else. Nothing is more frustrating than doing something right and having someone say that you used to do it wrong. What we do from today on matters, yesterday is long gone and those that don't want to live in the present need to be left in the past.